I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
