She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
