Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
