It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
