So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
