i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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