I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
