Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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