been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
