just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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