Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We have started to decorate penises.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
