Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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