Can i not drive my cunt home
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
