So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
