My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
is wine microwaveable?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
