im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
