it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
