Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
