She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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