that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I deserve this hangover.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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