Can Purell be used as lube?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
