Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The adults are the big ones right?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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