Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
