you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
tell me about the fingering
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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