It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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