Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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