I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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