Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
