Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
