Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
