I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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