This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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