What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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