No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
