I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
