he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We need a shit load of segways right now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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