You smell like a Billy Joel song
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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