so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
