Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?