just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no