My room smells like vodka and shame
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
