Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again