dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.