We won't sleep together?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.