We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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