the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
