Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fuck appropriateness.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
