Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
