the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
