I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
