am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
