i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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