Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Me too!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
