I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
