Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
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You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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