Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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