i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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