i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
