I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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