I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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