about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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