I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize