I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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