The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
