Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
